Month: November 2024

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.” Colossians 3:8 (NIV)

You only have a certain amount of emotional energy. When you’re trying to resolve conflict, you can use that energy either to fix the blame or to fix the problem. You don’t have enough energy to do both. So you need to ask yourself what’s more important—to blame the other person or to resolve the conflict.

Choose to fix the problem, not the blame.

When it comes to solving problems, you should decide ahead of time that you’re going to fight fair. Within your marriage or family, set ground rules for words you’ll never use—words that serve as weapons of mass destruction.

During the Cold War, the Soviet Union had thousands of intercontinental missiles—weapons of mass destruction—aimed at the United States. And the United States had thousands of intercontinental missiles aimed at the Soviet Union too.

But even at the worst, most tension-filled points during the Cold War, both sides still had enough sanity not to use those weapons. It’s been called the MAD strategy; if either side decided to use the weapons, the result would be a “Mutually Assured Destruction.” In effect, the countries were saying, “If you use yours, we’re going to use ours. We’ll destroy each other, and there won’t be any countries left.” So even when we were on opposite sides of an issue, we could at least agree not to use those weapons.

Relationships often have weapons of mass destruction too. When you use those weapons, you fix blame—but you never fix problems. In marriages, for example, those weapons include things like threatening divorce or bringing up each other’s parents. Those are words of mutually assured destruction—they destroy a relationship by tearing down trust.

You have to agree, no matter how upset you are, those words are off limits.

The Bible is very specific about what’s out of bounds in a relationship. Colossians 3:8 says, “Now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips” (NIV).

Those are weapons of mass destruction. They’re used to fix blame. And when you fix blame, you’re judging—and only God has the right to judge.

Instead, set aside destructive weapons and use your energy for what matters. Fix the problem.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.”    2 Timothy 1:7 (NLT)

God wants you to live at peace with everyone. Why? Because unresolved conflict has three devastating effects in life.

First, it blocks your fellowship with God. When you’re out of harmony with others, you can’t be in harmony with God. When you’re distracted by conflict with other people, you can’t have a clear connection with God. The Bible says, “If someone says, ‘I love God,’ but hates a fellow believer, that person is a liar” (1 John 4:20 NLT).

Second, unresolved conflict hinders your prayers. Over and over again the Bible says that when your life is characterized by conflict, sin, and disharmony, your prayers are blocked. “It’s your sins that have cut you off from God. Because of your sins, he has turned away and will not listen anymore” (Isaiah 59:2 NLT).

Third, unresolved conflict hinders your happiness. You can’t be happy and in conflict at the same time. When conflict comes in through the front door, happiness goes out the back door.

Once conflict enters a relationship, it won’t go away on its own. You can’t make it disappear by ignoring, denying, or sweeping conflict under the rug.

Have you heard the expression, “Time heals everything”? That’s simply not true. Time heals nothing! If time healed everything, you wouldn’t ever need to see the doctor. When you’ve got an open wound and you don’t deal with it, it festers. Conflict is the same way. Anger turns to resentment, and resentment turns to bitterness.

So, to get rid of conflict, you need to intentionally deal with it. Don’t wait for the other person to come to you. Go to the person you’re in conflict with. Take the initiative and be the peacemaker.

Only courageous people resolve conflict. Maybe the most courageous thing you can do is to face an issue that you’ve been ignoring for a long time—whether it’s in your marriage, with your kids, with your employees or your boss, or whoever.

Where do you find the courage to face and resolve conflict? You get it from God.

The Bible says in 2 Timothy 1:7, “God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline” (NLT). Let God’s Spirit fill your life, and you’ll find yourself filled with power, love, and self-discipline. God’s love will overcome fear and give you the courage to resolve conflict and bring healing to your relationships.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense.” Proverbs 19:11 (NIV)

Hurt people hurt people.

When someone hurts you, it’s because they’ve been hurt. Unkind people don’t feel kindness themselves. Unloving people feel unloved.

When someone is rude, bitter, unkind, sarcastic, mean-spirited, or arrogant, they are shouting with all of their behaviors, “I am in pain! I need massive doses of love! I do not feel secure!”

Secure, loved people don’t act that way. The person who feels deeply loved and deeply secure is generous and gracious to other people.

So how should you respond when someone hurts you? For many people, the knee-jerk response is anger.

Here’s a widely held belief: You have only a set amount of anger in your life. When that “bucket” of anger is full, you need to pour it out—to express your anger. Then, when the bucket is empty, it will be cathartic.

If you believe that, you’ll struggle with anger for your entire life. The truth is, you don’t have just a bucket of anger. You have an entire anger factory! That factory can keep on producing and producing and producing. When you get rid of the anger you have, you’ll get more. In fact, the more anger you throw out, the more it produces.

Study after study has shown that aggression only creates more aggression. Angry outbursts lead to more anger, and soon anger becomes your habitual pattern.

So you can’t just pour your anger out; that anger bucket will just refill. Instead, you need to let it go.

Proverbs 19:11 says, “A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense” (NIV).

When your goal is to just get even, you’re no better than your opponent. To respond wisely instead, overlook offenses. Look past a person’s words to their pain. Offer love and patience.

The American poet Edwin Markham wrote this short poem: “He drew a circle that shut me out—heretic, rebel, a thing to flout. But Love and I had the wit to win: We drew a circle that took him in!”

When someone hurts you, you have a choice. You can respond in anger, which will only create more anger. Or you can respond wisely in love, overlooking offenses and overcoming evil with good.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness.”  Proverbs 14:29 (NLT)

When someone is angry with you, it’s easy to show anger in return. But before you allow yourself to get mad back, calculate what you’re going to lose. Calculate the cost of anger.

The Bible is extremely specific about uncontrolled anger. Proverbs 29:22 says, “An angry person causes trouble; a person with a quick temper sins a lot” (NCV). In Proverbs 15:18, you read, “Hot tempers cause arguments” (GNT). And Proverbs 14:29 says, “A hot temper shows great foolishness” (NLT).

When you let anger take control, there is a cost. You’re going to get in trouble. You’re going to sin. You’re going to cause arguments. You’re going to make mistakes.

When you lose your temper, you always lose. You may lose someone’s respect, the love of your family, your health, or even your job.

Maybe you’re someone who uses anger to motivate people to do the right thing. Don’t do it! You may get the short-term payoff. But in the long run, anger always produces more anger, more apathy, and more alienation.

How many kids have become alienated from a parent because of out-of-control anger? How many people have been alienated from a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a husband, a wife, or a friend because somebody lost their cool? Anger destroys relationships faster than anything else.

If you realize there’s always a price for returning anger for anger, you’re less likely to get angry when somebody’s pushing your buttons.

So before you retaliate, ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this? Do I want to make mistakes? Do I want to sin more? Do I want to cause arguments? Do I want to act foolish?”

Proverbs 14:29 says, “People with understanding control their anger; a hot temper shows great foolishness” (NLT).

Anger always comes with a price tag. Before you retaliate, calculate the cost. Then choose the wise path of controlling your anger.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends.”  Proverbs 17:9 (TLB)

The Bible says wisdom “is full of mercy and the fruit of good deeds” (James 3:17 NLT). In other words—even when people mess up, sin, fumble, and fail—it’s wise to show grace.

God is both the wisest and most merciful being in the universe. Everything you have in life—even your next breath—is a gift from him. If we got what we deserved, we wouldn’t be alive. Yet God gives us exactly what we need, not what we deserve. He’s full of mercy.

In the same way, wise people give others what they need, not what they deserve. Wise people don’t emphasize other’s mistakes; instead, wise people are merciful. They cut people slack—because they know God cuts them slack all the time.

When you judge, you’re being foolish. But when you’re merciful, you’re reflecting God.

Proverbs 17:9 says, “Love forgets mistakes; nagging about them parts the best of friends” (TLB).

I saw a beautiful example of this in Mike, a man who had been on the Saddleback facilities staff for many years. I ran into him on the day he and his wife, Sally, celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. Sally was getting ready to drive off, so I walked over to her car to congratulate her. I asked her, “What is the secret of a 50-year marriage?” She looked at me and said, “Pastor, I never tried to change him.”

After she drove off, I walked over to Mike and said, “Mike, what’s the secret to 50 years of marriage?” He said, “I never tried to change her.”

Through 50 years of marriage, Sally and Mike surely had seen each other fumble and fail many times. But, instead of foolishly judging, they chose, as Proverbs 17:9 says, to forget each other’s mistakes. They wisely showed mercy over and over again.

Today, tomorrow, and the next day, choose to show mercy to the people around you. Living a wise life that’s full of mercy will pay great dividends for you in the long run.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.”  James 3:17 (NIV)

Do you know two of the biggest mistakes people make in relationships? One, they react to what someone says without considering how that person feels. Two, they invalidate someone’s feelings because they don’t feel that way themselves.

The antidote for both of these is the same: Simply be considerate.

Let’s take a closer look at each of these mistakes and what you can do instead.

Mistake #1: Reacting without trying to understand.

People often pay too much attention to someone’s words and not enough attention to the emotions behind the words. When a person is angry, they often say things they don’t mean. They exaggerate and use words they didn’t intend to use. Instead of just listening to the words, look for the emotions behind the words. People don’t always say what they mean—but they always feel what they feel.

If you’re wise in relationships, you’ll be considerate of feelings. Don’t just focus on what your kid, spouse, neighbor, or boss says—words that may trigger your anger. Instead, be mindful of what those people may be feeling. When people are rude and unkind, they are screaming to the world, “I’m in pain!” Hurting people always hurt people. And it’s actually the unkind people who need your kindness the most.

Mistake #2: Invalidating any feelings that you don’t feel yourself.

When you don’t feel the same emotion someone else feels, you may dismiss their feelings altogether. Can one person be cold and another be warm while being in the same room at the same time? Yes. So why try to argue people out of what they feel?

When you dismiss someone’s feelings, you minimize the other person. Someone may say to you, “I feel stupid.” Don’t dismiss it by saying, “You’re not stupid.” Instead, ask, “Why do you feel that way? What makes you say that?” You need to look beyond the words and get to the real issue.

Feelings are neither right nor wrong. They’re just there. No one has to defend their feelings. They just need you to say, “I hear you.”

The Bible says, “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere” (James 3:17 NIV).

With heaven’s wisdom, you can stop ignoring and invalidating other people’s feelings. You can let your friend feel tired and not try to talk her out of it. You can let your spouse feel sad and not try to talk him out of it. Wise people are considerate of other people’s feelings.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them.”  Proverbs 20:3 (GNT)

Wise people are peacemakers, not troublemakers. Wise people don’t carry a chip on their shoulder. They’re not always looking for a fight. And they don’t intentionally antagonize other people.

The fact is, if you’re around someone for any length of time, you’ll figure out what irritates them. Then you may file that information in the back of your mind as a tool to use when you get into an argument. When the person says something that hurts, offends, or slights you in any way, you may pull out the information you filed away and use it against them. You push the hot button. And it works every time!

You know what the Bible calls this kind of behavior? Stupid! It doesn’t get you any closer to resolution or help your relationship. In fact, it hurts the relationship. It’s not wise.

Proverbs 20:3 says, “Any fool can start arguments; the honorable thing is to stay out of them” (GNT).

We all use counterproductive strategies in relationships. They’re hurtful, they’re harmful, and they don’t get you what you want. But when we lack wisdom, we use them anyway.

Here are just a few of these counterproductive strategies:

Comparing—Never compare your wife, your husband, your kids, your boss, or anyone else—because each person is unique. Comparing antagonizes anger.

Condemning—When you start laying on the guilt in a relationship, you get the opposite of what you expect. It doesn’t work, and it’s foolish.

Contradicting—William James, a pioneer in the field of psychology, said, “Wisdom is the art of knowing what to overlook.” Some things just aren’t worth your attention; you simply need to overlook them.

The Bible says in Proverbs 14:29, “A wise man controls his temper. He knows that anger causes mistakes” (TLB). Have you ever said or done anything out of anger? We all have! When you get angry, your intelligence goes out the window. You say and do foolish things that are self-defeating.

Have you ever thought about the fact that there is only one letter difference between “anger” and “danger”? When you get angry, you are in dangerous territory. You are about to hurt others—and yourself—with your anger.

The good news is that you don’t have to let your anger get the best of you. You can choose to be a peacemaker, not a troublemaker. Follow the wise advice of Proverbs: Control your temper and stay out of arguments. You—and the people who have a relationship with you—will be glad you did.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us.”  Acts 17:27 (NIV)

In Acts 17, Paul gave a sermon to the people in Athens. He said something like, “God doesn’t live in a temple or a little house. He would be confined. He has chosen to live all around the world. God is everywhere.” Why? As Acts 17:27 says, “God did this so that they would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from any one of us” (NIV). God is close, available, and accessible.

A lot of kids today grow up with absentee fathers. These dads are never home, always gone, never there for the important dates. Even when they are home, they really aren’t there. They’re detached—scrolling their phones, watching television, or working. They may be physically there, but they’re not mentally and emotionally at home.

That’s why it’s important to remember three encouraging facts about the closeness of God:

1.  God is never too busy for you.

Psalm 145:18 says, “The LORD is near to all who call on him” (NIV). He’s never too busy to talk to you. When you want to pray, God is right there, ready to listen. God has no problem processing everyone’s prayer request at the same time because he’s God. He’s always near. He never says, “Call back later.”

2.  God loves to meet your needs.

He’s not annoyed by your requests. The Bible teaches, “If you . . . know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” (Matthew 7:11 NIV). Even imperfect parents here on earth like to give their children good gifts. God is perfect, so he’s even better at giving gifts. In fact, he loves to meet your needs.

3.  He is sympathetic to your hurts.

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18 NLT). When you hurt, God hurts. When you grieve, God grieves. When you are brokenhearted, crushed, and think you can’t even get out of bed in the morning, God feels for you. You are never closer to God than when you are in pain. He is there. And he cares.

God wants to meet your needs because he’s caring, consistent, and close.  That is such good news.

By Rick Warren – Source: nhulieuthanhkinh.com

“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father . . . who does not change like shifting shadows.”  James 1:17 (NIV)

You can count on God. He’s dependable and reliable. He is worthy of your trust.

Some of you know fathers who are unpredictable, unreliable, and fickle. They’re always changing, depending on the mood they’re in. Inconsistent fathers produce insecure children.

But the Scripture says God never has a bad day. He doesn’t wake up grumpy. He’s not moody. He doesn’t get up on the wrong side of the bed. He’s consistent and faithful.

2 Timothy 2:13 says, “If we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself” (NIV). Even when I’m unfaithful, God is faithful. Even when I’m inconsistent, God is consistent. Even when I’m unreliable, God is reliable. No matter what else is changing in the world, there is one thing I can count on: God always acts the same way toward me. He is loving and he is consistent, regardless of my mood. He loves me just as much on my bad days as on my good days.

God says it himself in Malachi 3:6—“I the LORD do not change” (NIV). That is good news!

The number one problem with children and parents—the cause of rebellion, damage, resentment, and hurt feelings—is broken promises. A parent says, “One of these days—I promise.” And “one of these days” never comes.

But God is consistent. “What a God he is! How perfect in every way! All his promises prove true” (Psalm 18:30 TLB).

If God says it, count on it! He’s always faithful. He’s always just the same way.